Sunday, June 25, 2017

HELP!!!: I Can Swim & I'm Drowning

Life preservers can come in all different forms. They can be rings, buoys or jackets. They could be be just metaphors or symbols. For me, I experienced a very real rescue. My life preserver was EMPATHY, & it saved me. Not metaphorically, but literally. I can't wait to use this lesson in my life to be a better husband, father, friend, educator & servant.

EMPATHY is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

I participated in my very first triathlon on Saturday, 6/24. I was ready! There are of course 3 stages: Swimming, Cycling & Running

I've been running for years, so the 3rd stage was not a concern. The cycling, the 2nd stage, was another challenge. I would be using the good ole' Schwinn Sprint model from the late '80's. Didn't quite fit w/ the veterans of the triathlon circuit. It's pretty humbling to hear "On Your Left!" over and over, mile after mile as all kinds of athletes zoom by you. You see numbers like 23, 42, 68, 75, etc on calf muscles as they race by. Those are the ages of the participants who leave myself and my Schwinn in the dust. However, with several practice mornings and afternoons, I felt ready for the 2nd stage.

The opening stage of the Sprint Tri was a 1/2 mile swim in open water (a small lake). I can swim. Heck I can swim multiple strokes if necessary, but the 1/2 mile took some training. Several mornings and afternoons were spent swimming laps upon laps in the pool. Before long I could easily swim well beyond the distance required. I even learned to breathe comfortably on both sides so I could handle traffic and other issues. FORESHADOWING: Swimming in a pool is NOT swimming in open water. Especially when the open water has a visibility of less than 1 foot.

RACE DAY: Perfect weather, the sun was rising. The sky was bright blue. It was cool, but the lake water felt warm. I was in the 2nd wave of contestants: Light blue caps!  (Hadn't worn a cap before...didn't much care for the look) The 1st wave were royal blue caps. They were the younger guys. Beyond me were the orange caps, these were the older males. Behind them, were the various waves of women: White caps, yellow caps, etc.

The starter counted down for the second wave; the horn blasts...we're off!  I'm not running in the water like most, but I'm moving more than a trot. Man, the mucky bottom of the lake is gross! Within seconds, I'm swimming in the lake. Moving inward on the arc so I can cut down on swim distance; Man I'm smart! I've maybe taken 3-4 freestyle strokes and I'm out of breath; race adrenaline and excitement. No biggie, I planned for this. 
"Calm down, Chad...breathe" Go retired-swimmer-style, I tell myself...sidestroke. Get you bearings and breathe; then swim and get in this thing.
Done! Sidestroke over, and I start swimming. I've made 2 strokes...I can't see!  
I mean N-O-T-H-I-N-G. 
My goggles are not fogged, but I can't see. The lake is black as night. I can't see down, I can't see forward, I can't see my hand in front of me during my stroke. I can't see...and I can't breathe. "Oh my God, I can't breathe"  ~ Can't stop running and start walking like in stage 3. Can't pull the bike over and walk...this is open water. Deep? don't know and don't care. You can't see my crappy light blue cap over 1 foot below the surface. "Oh my God, I still can't breathe" 
That's because I wasn't breathing...I had no rhythm, I had no cadence. I was not breathing out underwater.

Regroup #2: Side stroking again...I'm about 75m-80m into the 800 m swim (That's like 3 laps of the 40 in the pool; but this isn't the pool)

Ready to swim again; side stroke over. "Besides, I can't swim sidestroke for a half-mile...that's too long"-I tell myself. Head goes back in the water, breathing out...bubbles flow past my face. I can see those, but not my hands. As the bubbles stop I can't even complete the stroke. "I can't see and I can't breathe" I swallow several ounces of lake water! I stop. Am I drowning? Is this what it feels like? How you go from fine to deep trouble? There are only a few light blue caps around. An orange cap plows into me as I just sit idle in the middle of the lake; more ounces of the lake water go down. I have to move, so I begin to swim. I can't put my face in the water. When I do, I feel as though someone is holding my face underwater and drowning me. "Oh my God! I can swim & I'm drowning!"  More orange caps go by and sprinkled in them are some white caps. 
I put my hand up and paddle towards a life guard in a kayak. She's in red. 

The guard paddles over and tosses me a buoy. I'm pissed! I yank my goggles off and swear. She calmly talks to me; I'm not so calm with her. I say, " I can swim! What the hell? I can't even get my face in the water! #@$#!"
She says, "You can't see can you? It's normal. Relax. Breathe."
I do just that.
She then asks, "Can you backstroke? Can you breast stroke?"
"Yeah", I spit out. I'm still giving her a look of...umm I can't do this. I can swim, but I can't swim now...I'm drowning. 
She looks at me as says this (And it's magical! It's the preserver of all preservers. It did more than the buoy I was holding on to.)
 "Look, same thing happened to me. It took me 2 years to swim in the lake. You keep your head out of the water. You backstroke, you breaststroke, you do whatever you can. You get your bearings and you'll be fine. If you feel like it roll over and swim. If not, back & breast until you're done"
IT WORKED. Stage 1 wasn't perfect. I struggled for the entire 1/2 mile. I ingested way more of that lake than I had planned. But I lived...more importantly I grew. I changed, evolved the teacher had been taught!

Today, 24 hrs later, I know it was her EMPATHY that saved me. It wasn't the buoy, it wasn't the suggestions, the strokes, or any plan. And before you argue the contrary. I agree that her BEST PRACTICES; her suggestions were essential to my survival. Those wouldn't have mattered without her EMPATHY. Those two magical sentences saved me. See I could swim. That wasn't the problem. The problem was in that moment, I couldn't. I was afraid, ashamed, embarrassed, and ALONE. All of the best practices in the world couldn't help. She could tell me different strokes, etc. Those solutions couldn't and wouldn't have worked. She could tell me to "Relax and breathe". 
Yeah, I could do that, just not on my own. And clearly not for the remainder of my swim.
The second she said, "Same thing happened to me. It took me 2 years..."  I was saved.  
I wasn't alone!
She understood me and shared my feelings, related to my real fear and danger. She, the guard; my savior had been vulnerable too. Her empathy in the middle of this dark lake was the life preserver that I needed.

So as an educator, how many of our students can perform but for some reason or another they can't today? Maybe they've mastered skills, standards, etc. But today or this week or this month something has happened. "Yo!!!  I CAN SWIM, BUT I'M DROWNING"
Do they ask? Do they say that? Or do they sink and can no longer be seen 1 foot below the surface?

Many times if I noticed them struggling, the educator in me would spout best practices, or here's how, or here's the technique...Do this, do that. That may not be the help that they needed. Maybe they needed me to truly understand and share their feelings. Maybe they needed EMPATHY before the best practices could even take root... "Same thing happened to me" ~ She saved me with that sentence, thank you  whoever you are!
As a spouse or a father; maybe it's not mine to fix. Maybe the suggestions or the here's how or what to do is not needed. I'm talking about the types of strokes to use. "yeah, I can do that, but I ain't letting go of this buoy. That's not what I need" I need you to understand and share with my feelings first, before my face goes back in that water".

You never know when life lessons will present themselves. I'm a believer in that's why you take risks, that's why we need to continue to evolve and change. Yesterday I took on risks but had no clue what life lessons were coming my way. I mentioned earlier that I can't wait to use this lesson to help me evolve and grow. I hope this true story plants seeds in those who lead, educate and live with others. Either way, my next thing to do is find my savior and teacher of empathy from Saturday, June 24th 2017. She may not know she was a teacher that day on the lake; but she deserves a sincere thanks. She was my savior. And if I don't find her, I will thank any volunteer or local/employee at the YMCA or state park. That's who ran my event. I will pay it forward. Here's to understanding and sharing the feelings of our students, our colleagues and family in the days to come~Be Empathetic & SAVE LIVES

1 comment:

  1. What a great testament to EMPATHY; probably one of the most important teacher traits!

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